Out With the Old, in With the New

Attempting to refresh my life in as many ways as possible; spring cleaning, I will refer to it as. Out with the old, in with the new. This is going to be a complete and total revamp of everything in my life. It has started with a new phone, the iPhone 4 of course. I say go big or go home. I also started cleaning out my closet, which was getting a wee bit cluttered and we all know clutter gives me anxiety. Today after work I went on a huge cleaning spree throughout the apartment. Even though I was feeling tired after each task I manage to find a new task that HAD to be done. I think I did a pretty thorough job, but I'm sure I could probably find some other job to quest upon.

What's next, new wardrobe, new car? Only time will tell what new and exciting things I will throw into my life. I'm not sure why, but all this spring cleaning is so refreshing and stress relieving and it's making me feel really good in some strange way.

I feel like a change of scenery would also be a nice addition to my life-changing transformation. A well-needed vacation shall be planned soon, very soon. Seriously considering going south to visit Melissa. The beach would definitely be salvation as well. Either way I'm going to go somewhere.

This "cleaning" I speak of isn't just about the outside. It's not about material things or monetary value. It's about making a new chapter in my life. It's also about sprucing up my attitude. It seemed to take a turn for the worse immediately prior to my big 2-6. I don't know what it was, but it was like time slapped me right in the face. The number 26 flashed in my head--you're getting old, you're almost 30!

My ego was whispering in my ear, why aren't you in a relationship, why aren't you getting married soon, you need to have kids a.s.a.p.! It was telling me that time was running out and that it's either now or never. Then I was thinking if I haven't found someone right for me by 26 there must be something wrong with me, right? Yeah, I've set goals and time limits for myself... The fact is I hardly ever made my time-limit goals, but I have ALWAYS ALWAYS accomplished my goals and there is no reason why I can't accomplish my others.

The fact is, there is nothing wrong with me. I am perfect just the way I am. Being an advocate and preacher of the law of attraction I don't know why in the world I was choosing to focus on all the things I do NOT have and ALL the things I have NOT accomplished. Nothing good will ever come from focusing on the lack-of.

Look at me. I am beautiful. For a second tonight I put myself in a 40 year old's body, myself of course and I looked at myself and said when I'm 40 I'm going to look back and think I was so skinny, I was so beautiful, why couldn't I see it then--if I only knew.

Now is the time to live, now is the time to be free and now is the time to live life just the way it is. It's okay to get older because "you can't move forward into the past." --Facebook Fortune Cookie. I want to accomplish goals, but I don't want to age. Now how is that going to work?

It's hard being strong sometimes. It's hard not knowing how much control I need to take rein over my life.

I think this concept is describe well by a dream I had last night. I was on a farm and there was horse riding and the people were trying to show me how to ride and I told them that I've been on a horse several times before. I know what I'm doing, yet they still guided me by pulling the horse with this contraption. I was kind of irritated because I wanted to ride, but I guess it was nice for someone to guide the way for me. So I suppose the moral of the dream is... that even if you know the way it's okay to let someone else guide you, because you might be pleasantly surprised about where you end up.

So this blog totally took a huge tangent, but I think I said what I needed to say. So all is well.
The point is getting rid of the old shitty attitude is refreshing and having a cleaning neat, clutter-free place is quite nice, as well. :) All this remodeling is going to make me tired, speaking of I'm exhausted... I think it will be for the better and telling myself that I CAN keep it up. I have so much and there's so much more to be had, if I only ask for it. Thank you all for reading and goodnight.