Gloomy with a Hint of Sunshine Here and There

Gloomy with a hint of sunshine here and there is how I would describe my mood lately. It's been flowing in and out of being okay, to upset, to being okay again. I've really been trying to focus on my work and just being successful and learning and growing in my career. If you don't have anything better to do than might as well make that money.

Now is the time to build my skills and build my career. I really need to do well and make progress and have something to show for all my hard work. I want to make a difference and make an impact.

I feel like I haven't been maintaining my personal relationships very well. I don't know where all this falling out came from. Maybe it is because I have been working a lot more than I am used to. Maybe it's because the cold makes me to stay inside and be a hermit. Maybe it's because I'm in this transitional place in my life, going from college young life to professional important adult mature life.

I don't mean to snub my nose at people like I'm better than them because I have an education. I still have a lot to learn. But sometimes you are on a different level then other people because of your experiences and education.

I don't want to go out and party. I don't want to get drunk. I can't go out on weekdays anymore, at least not very late. When I get off work I want to relax and unwind. I have responsibilities.

When I was younger it was easy to know what to do. You hang out with friends a lot, you drink and party alot and well you manage to learn and go through school somehow. But now, with no husband, no family, just me on my own, what do I do? What does a single 25-year-old woman do with her free time??? And so I discover... and I point myself in a direction and walk.

I'm working on it. I'm working on me and being the best me I can be. Discovering what drives me and what holds me back. Because I don't want to be held back by anything. I will conquer and I will succeed. Whenever I have set a goal in the past, whether it be getting my drivers licence, finding a new job, graduating college or getting a new job. I decided what I wanted and I went after it. I didn't just wait for it to come to me. I had my struggles, oh how I had my struggles. But the thing is I never gave up. I hit my speed bumps, but eventually I got there and it felt good. I have come a long way and I'm still going and I don't plan on stopping any time soon.

I realize the way I have been doing some things in the past haven't work towards building a relationship and family, so I'm going to try something else and hopefully figure out what works for me. :) Wishing myself good luck.