Fear

Fear is a well-known feeling. It is a feeling that comes to us at a very young age. But does it ever really leave us? Maybe not. Although, I think it's safe to save that it does take different forms. I remember being a child and thinking that there was Bloody Mary in my mirror and feared to go to the bathroom alone. There was also something under my bed, so when I got out of bed each morning I was forced to hop down quickly and race down the stairs to the safety of my mom. I even pulled the "I can't reach the light switch on the bathroom" so my mom would come into the bathroom with me.

I did everything to avoid my fear. When I was younger my fears were so real and so prominent. The fears raced through my body making my heart race and body shake. It's one of the reason today that I hardly like to sleep without any type of covers in bed. Hiding under my cover at night tightly bundled was the only way I knew how to protect myself from the monsters and dead bodies. I still wrap myself up like a burrito at bedtime. Even though those fears are completely and utterly irrational to me now and I understand that they were just figments of my imagination created because older brothers locked me in my closest and screamed, "There's a dead body in there." My parents also let me watch scary movies with my older siblings, which didn't help either.

The point I'm trying to get at is that I have behaviors I learned through fears in my past that I'm still holding on to, so subconsciously... am I still scared?

But like I was saying fear is something you usually feel with the adrenaline, heart racing; the flight or flight response, right? But can you have a fear and not feel it? Can there be something in you holding you back that you are unaware of? If so... How do protect yourself? Or how do you get rid of it? Maybe it isn't until you truly fully feel it that you can fix it. Who knows?

I think I have a fear lurking in the background of my life and this time I'm going to remove the covers... layer by layer. Because fear you are not serving me well.