The Ultimate Act

When I was around 9 years old I made a dream catcher in girl scouts. It was beautiful with beads and bright pink and purple feather dangling at the end, because pink and purple were, of course, at the age on 9 were my favorite colors. My troop leader told me that the dream catcher works because of the web in the middle. All the dreams in my head would first pass through the dream catcher and it would capture all the bad dreams in the web and only let free the good ones. Understanding the concept of a spider web this seem to make much sense. (If your are not familiar with dream catchers they are actually a Native American creation and tradition.)

I remember the first night I put up my dream catcher and I remember the dream I had. I know you are thinking this is a little crazy, because how can you remember something so intricate that happened somewhere around 15 years year ago. This dream, this one dream I could never forget. I was playing in my backyard, at my parents house of course. I was playing near the swing set. Then all of a sudden these bad guys came to hurt me and I wasn't safe. Then this man, this older man, he may have not been very old but of course many people were older than me when I was 9. This man came and swooped me up and put me on top of my swing set, which somehow magically transformed into having a roof rather than a large wooden pole across the top. Then I was safe. But the man fighting off the intruders was killed and I was sad. But I was so grateful for his protection and bravery. He would be dubbed forever in my head my Prince. Prince became a friend of mine, an imaginary friend. Although he was killed in my dream he was still very alive in my head. I know it's a little strange at the old of an age to have an imaginary friend, but I didn't care. There would be many days when I had no friends to play with and my older brother and his friends were not convinced I was a boy even when I dressed up in my brother's boy clothes and pretended to be boy. They were too smart to go for it. Hey! It was worth a try. "Go away Carrie," they would say and I would replied, "How'd ya know it was me?"

So Prince was my companion. It was fairly odd of my to have an imaginary friend at this age and it was even more out of character that he was a boy. Growing up I was very very shy around boys and always took better to the females. I didn't have anything in common with boys and they always wanted to play rough. I was small and dainty and just wanted to play house. Prince wasn't always around, just from time to time when I got bored. He was my savior and my friend and I knew no matter what that he would be there to make me laugh and take care of me. He made me feel not so alone. So I constructed this theory that the image of my Prince that I dream of that one day in my dreams would be the man that I would married. He would be the one person in this world not related to me that would do anything and everything from my well being, even if that meant dying. I don't think I expect much from a mate. Having a connection is probably one of the most important things. Of course you have to admire that person and appreciate their qualities. The one thing I need to be absolutely sure that he is the one is The Ultimate Act. An act so daring so brave so instinctual such as my Prince did in my dream. I need that person to do something that goes above and beyond what I expected of him to show me how much he loves me. Maybe I have watched too many love stories, but I believe in that incredible unbelievable kind of love that will make you cross oceans for them. I believe in the run to the airport and stop you from moving away love. I believe in throw rocks at my window and confess your undying love in person love. So here I wait for that ultimate act. Sometime I just don't know if I'm supposed to sit here and do nothing and pray it happens or if I should just give up, because life is not Romeo and Juliet and it's not like the movies. Life doesn't end at the end of movie and that leaves it open for so many more things to happen both bad and good. Because what happens after that act? Maybe I'm just a dreamer. Maybe that dream was just a way to show me that my bad dreams can go away and good dreams and good things will happen to me. I can't help but still wait for my Prince.

Like Julia Roberts in Notting Hill says, "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, ask him to love her." And so I wait.