Stronger than Yesterday

God Bless American... We all go through trials and tribulations in life all reaching for the American Dream. Great plays and novels such as A Raisin in the Sun by Loraine Hansberry, or August Wilson Fences, understood that for some life is one big struggle to try and get ahead. Then once we get ahead we just want to go further. No one wants to regress, because to regress in life is to fail. My most recent mantra is a twist on the famous "Failure is not an option." I prefer in my usage of language to always choose the more positive noun or adjective, hence my creation "Success is the only option." Not sure if I came up with it, so my apologize to those who may have used it prior to myself.

So I keep telling myself this and I'm trying to believe that I can get ahead and make that next step in my life, but I have found that somehow I have become just more and more stressed and that somehow I am in this horrible unresolvable predicament. Myself being "the appeaser"--trying to making everyone happy--is the one whose going to end up screwed in the end. Seven years of school and I, for the life of me, can't solve this problem. If I can't solve it then I may have to give up part of my American Dream and take a few steps back. I know I don't have much to show for it, but I do work hard and I willing to keep working hard in order to reach my goals. The only problem is I really don't have a map of where in the world I should work towards and what in the heck I should be doing.

Throughout my life I have survived on making other people happy. Look at me I've been in the service industry for nearly a decade now and that's exactly what I do. Would you like more soda, what would you like to eat, what else can I get for you? No one ever ask me at my job what I want, what I need?

I am truly grateful for my job and the fact that I am able to make such great tips. I'm just using this as an example of a theme of my life. I'm the type of person who likes buying gifts and I probably spend a little more out of my budget because I don't want to be the cheap one or I want to get something really extra special for that person. If you've read "The 5 Love Languages" one of my top love language is giving gifts. What I'm trying to say is I tend to put others before myself, which I suppose is an admirable trait, but I think it's time to ask what does Carrie need?

I'm the appeaser I try to make things fair for everyone, but in the process I sacrifices a lot for myself. Again, I'm not trying to be ungrateful in any sense, but I think it's time I stepped up to the plate and start standing up for myself. I haven't been getting ahead behaving the way I have been, so maybe it's time to make a change. I'm not planning on being a crazy cut-throat b*itch (pardon me but I felt the expression was necessary), but I think Carrie needs to grows some balls and become a bit more competitive. Hey this is a start! Look at me I used the expression "grow some balls," which is very not me, but I felt like it's something Elizabeth Gilbert would use in her book "Eat, Pray, Love." Side note:Just because I enjoyed the book doesn't mean that I'm going to go on some crazy sabbatical to Italy and I don't have husband to leave obviously. What I'm trying to say is I need to be more of Christina Yang on Grey's Anatomy and right I'm totally a Meredith Grey's I'm "messy" and "damage"--seriously! This is my first serious heart-felt blog and I have to say I'm getting a kick of out making all this reference to pop culture and whatnot.

All of those who know me know I'm a true girlie girl at heart and well three of my current passion are Grey's Anatomy, food, and giving blood. So now knowing this things about me hopefully my blog will make much more sense.

I started writing tonight in the spirit that it is now officially 9/11/10. (Should I write that in AP style? Nah... I see it as 9/11/10) I wanted to...I wanted to... somehow take my God awful day and somehow use 9/11 to put my life into prospective. I wanted to find the silver lining as they would say. But somehow I found the truth about myself--I'm a pushover. I'm not trying to point fingers or say that anyone has particularly used me, but as my parents told me tonight I'm too nice. Is that an oxymoron??? I would think it could be. I'm too nice and I end up losing in the end. Well, America you are the land of opportunity and the land of the oh-so-great capitalism and in order to live the American Dream you MUST be able to compete. So I thank you great nation for your opportunities and I just want to say that I'm in the race and I'm ready to compete. I will not let anyone get me down. I don't know how yet, but I will get ahead. I have to be, I will be a fighter. Success is my ONLY option. I wish you all the best in the American Dream. I believe we can all win and that there is enough resources for us all to flourish, but something worth having is worth fighting for. God Bless American and our soldiers. May our nation stay protected on this 10th anniversary of 9/11. I hope that this blog can help some of you out there reassess yourself and see the detriment of your character. Don't ever stop being you, but you can always be the better version of you.

Sincerely with love, hope and gratitude,
Carrie J. Holt