Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Vortex

And so it begins, the vortex as I describe it. In the law of attraction it states that like attracts like. So if you speak of positivity that positive things will start to occur. This does not mean that negative will not enter your life as well. When you think of it logically, when you are being positive and full of energy you radiant a vibe, a feel-good vibe. You have something some people don't have, something that the negative people lacking positive energy want. People who are hungry are going to go where the food is, not towards the people who have nothing to offer them. 

This is where the real challenge occurs. It's easy to climb a mountain alone, but with the weight of the world and other people's trouble it's not as easy, but other people who are weak will try and hitch a ride. There are good ways and bad ways to help these people. Putting them on your back will just wear you down and a leave them still incapable of climbing the next mountain. But rather you can give the tools, support and strength to climb the mountain on their own. Not everyone will want to take on this journey and that's okay, as long as you offered support rather than judgment that is really all that's within your control. 

So I've been getting really back into fitness and eating clean and healthy and I'm starting to feel really amazing and good about myself. I've lost 3.6 pounds in the last 2 weeks, which doesn't seem like that much, but it is when you're 5-foot tall and you haven't been able to lose anything in about a year. I can feel my body strengthen, my muscles tighten. I feel motivated, accomplished, empowered, and successful. 

It feels so good to put energy into something and see visible results in my before and after pictures. Society has put so much emphasis on the fact that being skinny is vain, but it isn't about vanity, it's about strength and health. I know that what I'm doing is helping me prevent heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, diseases that both my parents either have or are at high risk for. I know I am creating a long life for myself, so when I finally have kids I'll have the energy to chase after them. I am creating longevity where I can see my kids, grand kids and who knows great grand kids grow up. Lastly, I am immensely improving my quality of life by fighting my battle with depression, one mile, elliptical, weight lift at a time.

So that's where I'm at.

So today I heard from someone I hadn't talked to in a while. He wasn't very happy. He was frustrated with his job and current financial situation, something he doesn't have control over. So of course positive me tried to show him his blessings and help him focus on what he did have rather than what he didn't. Like a roof over his head, food, a job, his health, so many things that people take for granted. I can't imagine being in a third-world country ridden with disease, toxic water, sleeping on the ground. My apartment, although small, for some people would be like winning the lottery, a stable roof, running CLEAN HOT water, a refrigerator with food, central air conditioning and an amazingly comfortable bed. What people suffering would feel like if they had what I have? 

I know there's more to have, but I know that I don't deserve more until I can appreciate what I have. It may not be what I think I should or have or what I want it to be, but I still know that I have a lot and it's enough for me at this point in my life. 

I've done a lot of soul searching and self improvement. I read a lot of spiritual books that have helped me gain all these perspectives, so I know maybe I'm just at an advantage, but I still believe that I can help people not in my current wave length to see the light, at least I stayed optimistic that I can. 

Working in the drug recovery field I understand that it's natural to want to play the victim and having felt like the victim in the past I understand that you want validation for feeling this way and for people to feel sorry for you. Yes, you're feelings are valid for you current level of consciousness, but it doesn't mean that you should stay in that wavelength.  I do empathize, I really do, but I know that being the victim will NOT empower you. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You either have to make an effort to make a change or accept the things you cannot change. Yes, I am paraphrasing the serenity prayer. My relationship with recovery and how those practices can help everyone, not just those who are addicts, are a whole other blog though. I am a firm believer in the Serenity Prayer though! 

So the vortex as I call it is the phenomenon of being in a place of bliss, happiness and empowerment and attracting negative people that try and suck you down with them. Don't let them, stay strong, be mindful and use your blessings for good. Judgment and condemning will do no good. Understand that that could be you and that you must use compassion to make the world a happier more beautiful place. 


I expect more vortexes on my journey to life-long health. I know it won't be easy to stay at the top, but staying strong spiritually and physically I am confident I can stay at the top. 

















Where I am...

So it's been 5 years since I graduated college. I landed a job in public relations at a non-profit residential drug and alcohol rehab six months after graduation in a part-time position. I was still serving at a restaurant, so between the two jobs I was able to manage financially...until I got fired from my serving job. We won't go into the details of that, not that I'm ashamed or guilty of anything; it's just an entirely different story and subject than what I want to focus on in this blog. So in the meantime I manage to do some tutoring for kids, some serving at another place and even event bartending to make it by. A year and half ago I did actually become a "full-time employee" by that I mean I work 32 hours with full benefits, vacation and sick, which is awesome and I'm totally grateful for. But the problem is I BARELY make it by living on my own and wages I make. I work paycheck to paycheck. They only way I've gotten small boost of help are through law suit settlements, tax refunds and of course help from my wonderful parents. So you ask why don't you just go get a better job? My answer to that is I have TRIED. I absolutely have tried to find a better job. In fact since I've worked at my current job I must have gone on at least 8 professional interviews. Beyond that I've probably submitted 100 resumes to various organizations throughout the Valley and no one has hired me. I know I have a lot of skills and talent and passion.

So after getting yet another rejection letter today I sobbed to my friend Emily and I just expressed that I didn't know what was wrong with me? There has to be a reason why my life is stuck in this sort of limboland of the job world. There must be something I'm supposed to learn or someone I'm supposed to meet while I'm there. I know I can be a little negative at times, but I do also truly believe that I deserve to thrive in this world and deserve to have a career where I feel secure and that I can feel comfortable supporting a family one day.

Maybe I'm supposed to write my own story. Maybe I'm supposed to write a book and become a famous writer or maybe I'm supposed to write a cookbook. Either way I'm stuck here for a reason and I know I just need to act on something and take control of my life and pave my own future. So for now I don't have anything clever or witty to say. All I can say is that I'm going to work on accepting where I am while paving the way for my future.