I even went out on a limb and ask a guy out that I had originally deemed really sweet, but not right for me. I felt like he still posessed many great qualities and felt, well maybe that's what's wrong, I don't give the guys a fair chance. I wasn't exactly, but I feel a little stood up by him tonight. He was supposed to text me and let me know if he was free on Sunday and he completely has yet to notify me. Here I am thinking, oh how eager he will be to talk to me again and to see me again and he ignores me...like every other guy.
I have no idea how I'm supposed to show people who I am if they are constantly ignoring me. It's like I don't exist sometimes. Like I don't really even matter. I'm not sure why. I think I matter. I have a lot of interesting things to say. I'm fun, upbeat, child-like. I like cookies and hot cocoa and ice skating and magic...
Pathetic thing is...I asked Santa for a boyfriend this year. Yeah, a boyfriend. I know I'm not supposed to pessimistic and I know I'm supposed to have faith in myself, but how am I supposed to do that when all the sign point to alone alone alone............ Put a big sign on my head. I AM ALONE... People say loniless is a state of mind. Like when you feel all alone in a big crowded room. That's not me... I actually am alone. Crazy thing is...even my mom was to busy for me. What IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD? What is wrong with me?!?!?
It happens when you least expect. Well you know what I LEAST expect anything to happen to me because I feel stuck in this habitual cycle of going no where, being ignore and not being good enough for people to prioritize TIME FOR ME.
This isn't by best written blog, but it's real and I needed to vent. Hopefully there some people out there that can relate.
No comments:
Post a Comment